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| Two people living together can have very different lives. My father's life is different from my mother's, and they've been married for 28 years. No wonder they don't see eye to eye.
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| You know my biggest pet peeve? People who talk big but mean little. People who say I'll do this and do that to placate others and then somehow weasel their way out by making token contributions. People who pretend certain things mean the world to them but they're in actuality, only formalities. I'd appreciate honesty anyday. If your not interested in things I'm passionate about or things that matter to me, quit trying to feign interest. It shows thru, like a black bra under a white cotton top. Couldn't think of a better metaphor.
The things preoccupying me at the moment is Shantaram, my impending six-week trip to 5 cities, embracing my family and friends and finally having someone to talk to. Oh my god, how I miss conversations. I'm so psyched about Singapore, somewhat excited about Delhi but I know seeing my mothers-side-cousins will make it amazing, plus I'll have my mom and sis there with me. Somewhat excited about Goa, I'm looking forward to eating, drinking, dressing up for weddings and basking at the beach. Can't care less about Pune. Eagerly awaiting Dubai. There you go.
My rule of thumb is, if you don't care about me, I won't care about you. If you think your life, abilities, achievements and skills are grander than mine and therefore warrant more attention or, to exagerrate, airtime, just accept my goodbye. Isn't it enough that you revolve around yourself?
I'm far from perfect. I'm still growing and learning to change my attitude. I need opportunities to apply this learning and actually see results. I can't assume I'll be good, but I promise I'll try my best this time. Other people might be perfect, but it doesn't give them a license to doubt me, even though I doubt myself enough.
So, seriously, just don't expect anything from me. Not my friendship, not my attention, not my concern.
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| I don't know what I'd do without my blog.
So here goes, disregard my earlier post. Completely. It was an illusion. I haven't even read Eat Pray Love. It was whole lot of bullcrap spun by someone groping in the dark. A whole lot of naivette. I still am groping in the dark, just not putting too much effort in finding a light. I think in the dark, one should just close her eyes.
When a reality check such as this sweeps over me, I shouldn't try and shrug it off. I should validate it and either close my eyes or work to change reality. The latter I've done too long, and it's come to no fruition. It's backfired a number of times, especially because when you're married you lose your independence. Would going home address this?
I'm just gonna study for Spanish now, read news and blogs, go for a jog weather-permitting, and just get lost in everything extrinsic. That's the way to close your eyes.
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| I'm finding it easier to live with this healthy reduction of emotion. A lot of this year has passed fighting emotion,finding a refuge seeking balance, searching for a ballast. Its quite a pity.
But its never too late. I heard a lot of brilliant ppl tell there stories over the past few days. Elizabeth Gilbert began my journey by telling us about hers. She told embarassing anecdotes bout herself, things tat totally debunked my perfect image of her. Yet what was it that brought her fame and fortune? Commitment to the written word and some eloquence. If I'm not wrong I had written about my own commitment to he written word sometime ago. Hmmmmmmm
Anyway, back to my journey. Through all these fascinating stories, I think I got something slightly resembling... gumption. Anything can give that to u, but anything can also take it from u.
I'm determined to remain determined. The thing is, ur really not the only one to have made bad decisions in life. Your also not the only one who has been confused ttill the point of inertia, denial and even paralysis. Others have been human too. They've been impressionable teenagers who have fallen in love with overrepresented possibilities and yet found their purpose. So there's hope.
Speaking of falling in love, I think I'm in love with ideas. Don't get me wrong for I do like getring my hands dirty.I'm just saying I love grandiose ideas and I love witnessing the depth of human intelligence that can so articulately communicate those ideas.
Oh, I'm also happy I haven't completely lost my sense of wonder. As u can see, ive had a pretty pathetic outlook of myself. Lack of family, routine and bosses does that to u. While I walking back to the train station in Providence, I saw a lotta beauty. I saw peacefulness. And sophistication. I stooped to take pictures at the risk of missing my train and that's when I realized my European gumption hadn't completely dissolved.
So I don't quite know what I'm getting at. Just that in the pursuit of maturity, it is important to be a child sometimes. In the pursuit of experience, its important to hear stories sometimes. The best thing u can do for urself is be comfortable with ur name, ur past, ur purpose, ur body and ur aspirations. | | |
| It shows on my face. I'm feeling sick and faithless. Annoyed and lonely as hell.
The whole world is on one side and I'm on the other. All. the. time.
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